PolitiWars Trump Won: A PC Story
by CamusPessimist
Summary: Former scientist Galen Haley lives on a farm with his wife and young daughter Nikki. His peaceful existence and union membership comes crashing down when Reince Priebus takes him away. Now, Galen is the Empire's lead engineer for the most powerful weapon next to Putin's pecs, the Trump Star. It's up to Nikki and other rebels to get the plans for the Interest Group Alliance.
1. Chapter 1

[A massive Imperial Trump® Star Destroyer looms over the small planet of Lah'mu, its gigantic underbelly casting a blood-curdling shadow over the clear blue and green of the tiny planet. From its hull shoots out a small Imperial Trump® shuttle, and it makes its way through the atmosphere of the planet until it begins hovering over the luscious blue ocean and heads towards the mainland. An antique droid repairing a downed drone on a hilltop spots the shuttle zoom past it and quickly begins to transmit data via an antenna. A small girl begins to run as soon as she hears the deafening roar of the shuttle's engines, and as she sprints she spots the shuttle zip over her head. Meanwhile, in his farmhouse, Galen Haley examines several monitors indicating the unexpected arrival of the shuttle. While he is examining, the little girl opens the door to the farmhouse]

Little girl: Mama!

Laura Haley: We know.

Galen [gathering bags]: Nikki, gather your things, it's time.

[The little girl, Nikki, begins to gather her belongings while her mother and father begin to fill bags and packs. Laura races over to a monitor and turns it on, and an image of Clarence Thomas pops out]

Clarence: Yallo.

Laura: Justice Thomas, it's Laura. It's happened. He's come for us at last.

[Nikki looks in desperation at her mother]

Clarence: You know what to do.

[Outside, the shuttle zooms over the farmhouse and lands on a landing platform, a few meters around from the house]

Galen: Nikki, come here.

[Nikki walks towards her father, who puts his hands on her shoulders]

Galen: Remember, whatever I do, I do it to protect you. Not the unions, not the corporations, not the special interest groups or the 501(c)(3)s or even George Soros.

Nikki: I understand, daddy, except for all the other things you just listed.

Galen: In time, my dear, you'll learn the dark nature of politics, if you don't get sucked into one of those safe spaces first, of course. But, I love you, Stardust.

Nikki: I love you too, Papa.

[The two hug each other passionately]

Laura: Galen.

[Galen looks somberly at Laura and then let's go of Nikki]

Galen: Go.

[Galen then exits his home, stiffens his back, and sees two men approaching him. He takes a deep breath]

Man #1: Um, Mister, uh, Mister Haley?

Galen: Yes?

Man #2: Hi, Mr. Haley, we're from the bank, uh, Lehman Brothers.

Galen: I know where you're from.

Man #1: Oh, well, um, that's good to hear! Uh, my name is Bill, and this is my associate, Jeff. Um, I… I assume you know why we're here.

Galen: To recite to me the Volcker Rule?

Jeff: Um, well, as you are probably well aware, we are here to collect the money on the subprime loans that we lent to you.

Galen: I'm sure your computers are mistaken, I've paid back all the loans.

Bill: Yes, well, in our records it doesn't say so.

Galen: Well, if we're going to talk about records here, need I remind you of the questionable securitization Lehman Brothers engaged in that almost led to their collapse?

Jeff: Mr. Haley, our records indicate you paid off the interest to the loans but not to the loans themselves. We've come to collect the money you owe us.

Galen: I've paid back every penny.

Bill: Well, Mr. Haley, our records indicate you haven't, so I'm afraid we will have to foreclose your farm here.

Galen: But you can't do that!

[Suddenly, a man flanked by a few soldiers in dark black armor approach from behind, and Galen drifts his attention towards them]

Man: Bill, Jeff, thank you very much, but I'll handle it from here.

Jeff: As you wish, sir.

[Bill and Jeff move out of the way while the man draped in white approaches Galen, who looks at him with ire. Meanwhile, Laura and Nikki dart up a hill and take cover, with Laura peeking out to observe the precarious situation. She then turns back to Nikki]

Laura: You know where to go, don't you?

[Nikki nods, and Laura pulls off her necklace and puts it around Nikki]

Laura: Remember what Mr. Obama said: hope. Trust the Force.

[Laura then hugs Nikki tightly and Nikki runs off. However, she stops and then takes a look back and then turns around]

Man: You're a hard man to find, Galen. But farming? Really, a man of your talents? You spend time mulling around picking and planting crops and engaging in silly farmer unions, all for what? To be put out of business by a Naboo farmer perhaps, who has twice the skills you do?

Galen: I wouldn't be the one to talk, Reince. You once were a prominent chairman for the RNC and now look at you: a patsy for Mr. Trump.

Reince Priebus: [chuckles] I have become a far more successful man as Lord Trump's aide than I ever would remaining in the deplorable Republican establishment.

Galen: Well, congratulations, cause you're a full deplorable now. Tell me, how is it sharing a room with Steve Bannon?

Reince: I did not come here to discuss with you the close circle of Lord Trump. I came for other reasons.

Galen: To foreclose my land by some corrupt bank? Please, Reince, you knew deregulation was a bad idea.

Reince: Deregulation was not responsible for the crash, my friend, but the increasing strains of regulation! I assure you, though, the banks are honest and are fully co-operating with the Trump Team.

Galen: Yeah, when you have a former Goldman Sachs as Secretary of Treasury, I can't imagine why.

Reince: How is life as a peasant farmer, Galen?

Galen: It's peaceful.

Reince: It's lonely, I assume.

Galen: Since Laura died, yes.

Reince: [rather somber] Oh, oh, no, no, that's… that's terrible. My condolences, if I may. Search the house!

[The troopers move out and pass Galen, who turns around to see the invaders march into his living place, trashing his quarters]

Galen: What do you want, Priebus?

Reince: The project is stalled. We've allocated so much money to building a space wall and to our new and improved health care reform plan- cleverly called Obamacare 2.0- that we haven't been able to accomplish much. However, with your expertise, we need you to come back.

Galen: In your dreams. First you foreclose my house and then you come here violating my 4th Amendment rights with unreasonable search and seizure and now you ask me to come back and resume working on a super weapon capable of killing more people than Bill Clinton slept with. You think that's going to convince me?

Reince: Please, Galen, you've been listening to MSNBC again. What happened to you? We… we are on the verge of greatness, of making history! We are doing this to provide peace and security for the galaxy.

Galen: Yeah, right, "peace and security." You're confusing peace with terror.

Reince: Please, Galen, this isn't a Dubya speech I'm making. I'm begging you to come back.

Galen: My mind just isn't what it is anymore, Reince. Ever since Big Pharma skyrocketed the costs of anti-encephalon decay medicine, all my gray matter has been disappearing. I have trouble remembering, even simple things. I mean sometimes I even forget what gender I am.

Reince: Galen, you are a terrific scientist, an admirable scientist, but horrible liar. I mean, where did you get your skills from, Donna Brazile? Trust me, when you spend days around Lord Trump, you get pretty good at detecting liars.

[Nikki, ducking behind blades of grass, peeks out to see her father conversing with Reince. Suddenly, there is shuffling, and Laura comes running from the field]

Reince: Oh, my, look, Laura is back from the dead.

[Some of the troopers begin to point their guns at Laura and she stops, huffing and puffing and looking around]

Reince: Stop!

[Laura quickly pulls out a gun and points it at Reince, who begins to chuckle]

Reince: And here I thought you people were against the 2nd Amendment. Laura, you certainly look good, yet troublesome as ever.

Laura: You're not taking him.

Reince: Please, Laura, this has nothing to do with the patriarchy, relax. Please, put that gun down, I'm almost certain you have no clue how to use it. And I'm not just taking Galen here, I'm taking you all. You, Galen, your child. By the way, Galen, I thought you said she had an abortion!

Galen: That was, uh, that was Lena Dunham who said that.

Reince: Ah, yes, Lena. What an interesting character. But anyways, you all will live in comfort. I mean, Lord Trump is quite hospitable. And just wait till you meet Melania and Ivanka and Eric and Don Jr., they're all super great kids.

Laura: Yes, you're taking us, as hostages!

Reince: No, Laura, as heroes of the Empire. Peasant farmer today, close friends with the most royal family in the galaxy tomorrow. Heck, maybe your child might up marrying little Barron. Can you imagine that, Laura? Having grandchildren with the last name Trump?

Laura: It makes me sick thinking of that.

Galen: Laura, please, put the gun down.

Reince: Think very carefully, Laura. Shooting one of Lord Trump's highest staffers will not look good for you, especially coming from an anti-2nd Amendment pro-gun control advocate. Just think of it: gun sales will skyrocket, more people around the galaxy will be armed with AR-15s and semi-automatic weapons. The NRA will be the top interest group in Washington. And you will be the hero, the posterboy.

Laura: I'm a girl.

Reince: I apologize for assuming your gender.

[Laura and Galen stare at each other carefully, Laura trembling, her finger curled around the trigger]

Laura: You'll never win!

Reince: You will pay for your treachery.

[All of a sudden, one of the troopers fires his guns and shoots Laura, who in turn shoots Reince in the shoulder and he falls to the floor. Galen lets out a yell and then runs over to his deceased wife, lifting her had. Reince slowly gets up and his face turns red as he looks at the troopers].

Reince: Wh-what the hell was that?

Trooper: Uh, what do you mean, sir?

Reince: Why the hell did you shoot her?

Trooper: Uh, I thought you gave the order to…

Reince: When did I say "shoot the woman?"

Trooper: Well, in my defense, sir, you said "you will pay for your treachery…"

Reince: Yes, pay for your treachery as in monetary compensation, as in total enslavement and servitude to the all-exalted Galactic Empire! I never said to shoot her, you bumbling idiot!

Trooper 2: Wait, are we not shooting people now?

Trooper 3: Yeah, in the military regs it says "take no prisoners," sir. We were just following what our military orders instruct us to do.

Trooper 1: In my defense too, sir, I kinda forgot that the trigger was the firing mechanism.

Reince: You have been trained by the best of the best, personally under General James "Mad Dog" Mattis! How the hell did you not know the trigger was the shooting mechanism?

Trooper 1: I don't know, stress I guess? I mean, you could've given us a trigger warning to be fair.

Trooper 2: Man, do even start with that.

Reince: We cannot go around just killing people out in the open, are you out of your mind? Okay, nobody mentions this to anybody, am I understood? If word gets out on this, the NRA will have our heads, and who knows what Lord Trump will do.

[All the troopers nod in unison]

Reince: No, they have a child, go find it, and remember, take her alive, don't shoot her!

Troopers: Yes, sir!

[Nikki quickly scrambles away from the scene as the troopers begin to look around. She runs down a steep slope and runs into a dark and misty cave where she opens the hatch and enters through it. Meanwhile, one of the troopers picks up one of the latest American Girl doll and then begins to look around. Nikki peeks out from her hiding spot and sees the troopers, with flashlights, marching past her. When the troopers leave the area, Nikki takes a sigh of relief then brings her knees to her chin. Hours pass, and a storm approaches. Nikki turns out on flashlight and then quietly freezes as she hears footsteps above her. The hatch opens and a man looks down on her]

Clarence: My child, come! Come! We have a long ride ahead of us, longer than my confirmation hearings.


	2. Chapter 2

Fifteen years later…

[Nikki wakes up to the feeling of water splashing on her forehead. She slowly blinks and rises, walking over to a table to grab a cloth to wipe her forehead. She looks next to her to see a weird-looking creature- which she has called for simplicity sakes Harry Reid- snoring. She then hears voices coming from outside her jail cell and hears screaming, and then she sees a TrumpTrooper pass by]

[Meanwhile, on an Imperial outpost in the Ring of Kafrene, Tom Cotton is making his way through a crowd of partygoers, attempting to dodge Imperial security whenever possible. He makes his way down the boulevard and into a small building, where another man with a sling on his arm is waiting]

Man: About time, I was just about to leave!

Cotton: I came as fast I could.

Man: I have to get back on board. Walk with me.

Cotton: Back to Jedha?

[Cotton blocks the man as he tries to leave]

Cotton: Easy, easy, you have news from Jedha? Come on, talk to me.

Man: An Imperial pilot and a former campaign manager for Mr. Trump, one of the cargo drivers, defected yesterday. He's telling everybody, and you better believe that all the left-wing news outlets were the first to air the story. He's telling people they're making a weapon. The kuber crystals, that's what they're for.

Cotton: What kind of weapon?

Man: Look, I have to go!

[Cotton pushes the man against the wall]

Cotton: What kind of weapon?

Man: A planet killer. That's what he called it. Planned Parenthood called this weapon a "reproductive right."

Cotton: A planet killer? A reproductive right?

Man: Yes, yes. Someone named Haley sent him, some friend of Clarence's.

Cotton: Galen Haley? Was it?

Man: I don't have a clue! They were looking for Clarence when we left.

Cotton: Who else knows about this?

Man: I have no idea. It's all falling apart, this plan is as bad as Obama's stimulus package or Wubya's TARP. Clarence's right, there's spies everywhere, man. Snowden, the CIA, the NSA, Putin, Assange, everyone.

[All of a sudden, a few TrumpTroopers emerge and Cotton and the man slowly turn towards them]

Trooper: What's going on here?

Trooper 2: Come on, let's see some sort of documentation.

Cotton: Alright, alright, wait a minute, what are you, ICE agents? Just give us a second.

[Cotton bends down and pulls out a blaster and spins around, shooting both of the troopers]

Man: Oh, my G-d, what the hell did you just do?

Cotton: I'm just carrying out my 2nd Amendment rights, yo.

Trooper: Troopers down, I repeat, troopers down, Section 9.

Man: I'll never climb out of here, look at my arm!

Cotton: I thought you got that fixed!

Man: Turns out healthcare in Canada isn't all that it's worked up to be.

[Suddenly, a squad of TrumpTroopers run down the alleyway, pushing civilians out of the way]

Cotton: [pats the man on the shoulder] Calm down, calm down, okay? I promise we'll repeal and replace Obamacare and you'll get the best health coverage in this quadrant of the galaxy, okay?

Man: Yeah, that sounds-

[Suddenly, the man gets shot and falls to the ground]

Cotton: Yeah, I don't think insurance companies cover the pre-existing condition of being dead.

[Cotton darts to the wall and begins to climb a ladder to a narrow opening]

[Meanwhile, on the planet Jedha, the Imperial defect and former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, accompanied by the tall and hairy Al Franken and Whip Steny Hoyer, make their way to a man with a breathing mask, the newly-appointed DNC chair Thomas Perez, who is surrounded by bodyguards]

Corey: Is… is that him? He looks kind of different. I imagined him a bit younger since, you know, like, Democrats are supposed to be appealing to younger people, but I mean not saying anything about him being old or anything. And, um, well, I thought he was, you know... black.

[Perez speaks to his bodyguards in a foreign language while Corey steps up to him]

Corey: Um, safe space? Trigger warning? White privilege? Microaggression? No, you don't understand? Are you Clarence Thomas? Yes? No? Alright, alright, we're just wasting time, I need to speak to Clarence Thomas before it's too late, before those blasted reporters get on my trail. We're in the middle of nowhere, please.

[Perez again speaks in a foreign language]

Corey: I don't know how to speak Democrat or liberal or however you're talking! I have an urgent message, is that clear? Trigger warning, yeah, trigger warning? No? Hello?

[Suddenly, Franken and Hoyer throw a bag over Corey's head and he begins to jerk and resist, and two people lead him away]

Corey: Hey, hey! We're all on the same side here, if you just see past the uniform for a minute, I have to speak with Clarence Thomas! Jesus, please! You know, this wasn't the hospitality I was expecting!

[On the planet Waboni, a TrumpJuggernaut® rolled through an Imperial base camp. Inside the giant truck was Nikki, who was shackled to the floor as well as a few other prisoners, such as the Harry Reid creature]

Trooper 1: Did you hear that the House might not actually be repealing Obamacare?

Trooper 2: Yes, that's all that's been on the news, Fred, how the Republicans haven't kept their word and are basically delivering a plan that is Obamacare with the sideburns shaved.

Trooper 1: Yeah, well, Paul Ryan and Bitch McConnell better get their act straight if not they won't be receiving my vote in the midterm elections.

[Suddenly, the TrumpJuggernaut® stops and the troopers look around]

Trooper 1: Ugh, what is it now?

Trooper 2: I don't know, probably another pick-up, or worse: TV reporters.

Trooper 1: [approaches Nikki] I thought we had everybody.

[Suddenly, the door explodes and everyone inside shields their eyes. All the troopers get gunned down as masked soldiers run into the vehicle. One of the soldiers walks over to Nikki and looks her up and down and chuckles]

Soldier: You wanna get out of here?

[Nikki nods her head and the soldier cuts her bonds]

Prisoner: Hey, whatta about me?

[Suddenly, Nikki kicks the soldier back and begins to punch the soldiers running towards her. Sh grabs a nearby pipe and begins to smack the other soldiers in the head. She then runs towards the exit until a tall, black droid extends its arm and grabs Nikki and throws her to the ground]

Droid: Hmm, they certainly do not make the feminist models like they used to. Now, please, you are being rescued. Please do not attempt to resist.

[Nikki reluctantly joins the other soldiers and get on their ship, which heads to the distant planet of Yavin 4. The ship heads towards a bunch of ancient pyramids and then lands at a base. Inside the hangar, pilots are repairing and inspecting their ships. Inside the command center, Nikki is placed in a chair while a man, Dick Durbin, begins to interview her]

Durbin: You currently call yourself Mila Yiannopoulos, is that correct?

[Nikki doesn't respond and just scrutinizes the man]

Durbin: Possession of unregistered weapons, forgery of Imperial documents, aggravated assault, escape from custody, resisting arrest, participating in an anti-Trump rally at a notoriously liberal college campus…I like it. However, imagine if the Imperial authorities had found out who you really are. Nikki Haley? That's your given name, is it not? Nikki Haley, daughter of Galen Haley? A known Imperial collaborator in weapons development and as of recently a hair designer for Mr. Trump?

[Suddenly, a woman in white robes, Elizabeth Warren, walks behind a giant table and stares down Nikki]

Nikki: What is this?

Warren: It's a chance for you to make a fresh start. We think you might be able to help us in our hour of need. This is Captain Tom Cotton, Interest Group Intelligence.

[Nikki turns her head to see Cotton emerge from the shadows and approach her]

Cotton: When was the last time you were in contact with your father?

Nikki: Pff, I don't know, like, 15 years ago I think?

Cotton: Any idea where he's been all that time?

Nikki: I like to think he's dead, makes things easier. It's a much more parsimonious explanation.

Cotton: Easier than what That he's being a tool of the Imperial war machine and Mr. Trump's wardrobe?

Nikki: I've never had the luxury of political opinions.

Cotton: Really?

Nikki: No, not really, most of my childhood was involved in all sorts of political crap and intrigue.

Cotton: Moving on. When was your last contact with Justice Clarence Thomas?

[Nikki looks at him for a minute while all eyes in the room anxiously look towards her]

Nikki: It's been a long time.

Cotton: He'd remember you, though, wouldn't he? He might agree to meet you, if you came as a friend, or, in your terms, a political ally.

Durbin: Lady, this isn't your usual gender studies class, we're short on time and if there's nothing here we need to talk about, we'll just put you back where we found you.

Nikki: When I was a child, Clarence Thomas saved my life. He raised me. I even helped him a little bit formulate his legal arguments for the court. But I have no idea where he is now. I haven't seem him in years.

Cotton: Don't worry, we know how to find him. That's not our problem here. What we need is someone who gets us through the door without being killed.

Nikki: You're all rebels, aren't you?

Durbin: I wouldn't use the term rebels, more like "financially motivated by politically correct interest groups."

Nikki: So basically you're a bunch of legislators and congressmen and lawmakers funded by these special interest groups then?

Durbin: We like to fancy ourselves that we're doing a good thing for the galaxy.

Warren: We are rebels, we are definitely 100% rebels. If that's how the media portrays us, then we're rebels. However, Clarence Thomas is an extremist.

Nikki: [scoffs] I knew he was conservative but I never took him for an extremist.

Warren: Anyone who is against abortion and Obamacare and the legalization of gay marriage is an extremist.

Nikki: So… why do you want him on your side?

Durbin: Diversity purposes. You know, multiculturalism.

Warren: Thomas has been fighting on his own since he broke with the Interest Gr- er, I mean, Rebellion. His militancy has caused the Alliance a great many problems. It's what happens when the media gets to control what everybody sees and listens. We have no choice now but to try to mend that broken trust.

Nikki: So… what does any of this have to do with my father?

[Durbin and Warren exchange glances]

Cotton: There's an Imperial defector in Jedha. A pilot and former campaign manager. He's being held by Clarence Thomas. He's claiming the Emperor is creating a weapon with the power to destroy entire planets. And I've just heard that Planned Parenthood call this weapon a "reproductive right."

Warren: I know, and I have a few opinions of my own that I'd like to share

Durbin: It's okay, Lizzy, this isn't the Senate floor, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.

Cotton: The pilot said he was sent by your father.

Warren: We need to stop this weapon before it's completed.

Durbin: Captain Cotton's mission is to authenticate the pilot's story and then, if possible, find your father as well.

Warren: It appears he is critical to the development of this superweapon. Given the gravity of the situation and your history with Clarence, we're hoping that he will help us locate your father and return him to the Senate Intelligence Committee for testimony.

Nikki: And if I do it?

Warren: We'll make sure you go free. Isn't that what feminism is all about, dear?

Nikki: Uh, sure?


	3. Chapter 3

[Nikki and Cotton walk through the hangar and past numerous starships to the outside, where Cotton enters his rusty-looking starship]

Durbin: Captain Cotton!

[Cotton looks at Nikki and then runs off the ship over to Durbin. She then walks into the ship and sees the big black droid that caught her earlier]

Droid: I am K-527, a reprogrammed Imperial droid.

Nikki: Wait, a 527 droid? What's the Empire doing meddling with tax-exempt organization groups?

K-527: Originally, I did belong to a 527 group that helped to get Mr. Trump elected. However, I was reprogrammed to obey every Imperial protocol once the Empire began, and then I was reprogrammed to fight them. Like any 527, I am not specially designed for one organization alone.

[Nikki just nodded and start looking through her pack]

K-527: I see that the Senior Chair is sending you with us to Jedha.

Nikki: Yep, it appears that way.

K-527: That is a bad idea. I think so, and so does Tom.

[Nikki looks at the droid in awe then turns to look at Tom, who is still conversing with Durbin]

K-527: What do I know, though? My speciality is just strategic analysis and helping to organize money for campaigns and elections.

Durbin: Galen Haley is vital to the Empire's weapon program. Forget what you were told and forget all that liberal "take hostages" bullsh*t. You find him, you kill him. Then and there. Is that understood?

[Tom nods and then heads back to his ship, where he passes Nikki and heads to the cockpit with K-527]

Tom: Did you meet K5?

Nikki: Yes, charming

Tom: He tends to say whatever comes into his circuits. That's how you know he definitely used to be a droid on the side of Trump. We tried to fix that so he can be more open-minded, but, well, it's whatever.

K-527: Hey, why does she get a gun and I don't?

Nikki: Wh- I know how to use it!

Tom: That's what I'm afraid of.

Nikki: What, a woman with a gun? Never seen that before?

Tom: No, it's not that. Just give it to me, please.

Nikki: We're going to Jedha. That's a war zone.

Tom: Sweetie, Nordstrom is a war zone now thanks to Trump declaring it one. Basically this entire galaxy is open to a fight. But that is not the point. Where'd you get the gun?

Nikki: Um, I just, you know, found it.

K-527: I find that answer vague and unconvincing.

Nikki: Yep, he certainly was one of Trump's droids. But Tom, trust both goes ways, does it not?

[Tom looks at her and strokes his chin and then decides to turn around and head towards the pilot chair]

K-527: You're letting her keep it? Would you like to know the probability of her using it against you?

Tom: The same probability that greenhouse gas emissions are causing a deterioration in the atmosphere and thus is leading to radical climate change?

K-527: Much higher than that, much.

Tom: Alright, let's just go.

K-527: It's super high. It's stratosphere high. That's how high it is. Even higher than that. Higher than Mark Zuckerberg's net worth. Even higher than that believe it or not.

[Tom puts on his headset and begins to punch some dials. The door closes and the ship slowly lifts into the air and flies off into the orange evening sky and finally into hyperspace]

[Meanwhile, in a secret hideout on Jedha, Corey, who still has the bag on his head, is on his knees surrounded by Franken, Hoyer, Perez, and others. Suddenly, there is a clamping sound, and Clarence Thomas approaches the former campaign manager]

Clarence: Lies! Deceptions! Libel! Let's see it.

[Perez hands Clarence Corey's identification card]

Clarence: Corey Lewandowski, Pilot and Former Campaign Manager of one Donald J. Trump. Cargo pilot. A local boy, huh?

[Perez begins to speak in the foreign language and hands over some of other items to Clarence]

Corey: Look, I may not be able to see, but I can still hear, man! He didn't capture me, I came here myself. I defected, I swear, I defected!

Clarence: Everyday, more lies, more fake news, more alternative facts. You lied about what you did to that female reporter, did you not?

Corey: Okay, okay, maybe I accidentally bruised Michelle Fields, okay? I'm sorry about that. But why would I risk everything for a lie? We don't have time for this! I must speak with Clarence Thomas before it's too late!

[Perez removes the bag and Corey stares up at the Supreme Court Justice, who unimpressively looks down at the defect]

Corey: Uh, okay, see, I knew… I knew you were black. Not like there's anything wrong with that, of course, it's just, um… that's for you. By the way, I know you don't like fake news, so don't listen to these guys when I say I gave that to them; they did not find it! I… I gave it to them. Galen. Galen Haley. He told me to find you.

[Clarence pulls out an oxygen mask and takes a deep breath in]

Clarence: James Comey.

Corey: Wh-what? James Comey? No, no, Galen Haley sent me! I swear, he told me to find you!

[Perez puts the bag over Corey's head again and carry him out of the room as he attempts to resist]


End file.
